


one more time

by st4rryoomi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Writing & Publishing, Breaking down, Crying, Cuddles, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I suck at tags, M/M, Slow Burn, Trembling, ex to lovers, include anxiety attacks, joke i dont know, professional volleybal player miya atsumu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:35:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26942230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st4rryoomi/pseuds/st4rryoomi
Summary: wherein ex boyfriends sakusa kiyoomi and miya atsumu meets again after four years. miya atsumu, professional volleyball player, main setter of MSBY. sakusa kiyoomi, owns a publishing company, editor in chief.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

"kiyoomi!!!" 

Sakusa stood straight when he heard his cousin's voice. He smiled when he saw Komori waving at him with his other hand dragging a suitcase, a gym bag hanging at his left shoulder. 

"komori." he said. 

"don't worry! i won't hug you." he smiled, "i will though after i take a shower at your place!" he said before hopping inside the passenger seat. 

Sakusa saw his cousin apply alcohol when he sat at the driver's seat. He started the car's engine and drove towards his apartment. He took a glance at Komori who's clumsily finding something in his gym bag. a shiver ran down at his spine by just thinking at whoever touched it and wherever it was placed. 

Maybe he'll take his car into a carwash later or tomorrow. "How was Italy?" he asked.

komori scoffed. "Im sorry, i know you want to catch up but we can do that tomorrow. We need to see ejp and msby match today!" he said. pure excitement laced in his voice.

sakusa sighs, "i won't—"

"nonsense!" he exaggerated. 

Sakusa frowned, preventing himself from glaring at his cousin. He didn't want to get them into an accident. that clearly is not a warm welcome for his cousin. 

"we need to go! I've been wanting to see them have an official match together, and if msby wins, they will have a match against schweiden! besides, it's hinata's match. he'll claim that match i swear to god. and I'll get to laugh at ushijima's face then." 

he shakes at his head. his cousin is rumbling again. it'll be like this again. He'll have to hear him rumble at the most randomest things. 

"—yeah and the onigiri osamu sells, I bet that will be the best thing in the world! it's final, we'll go today.  _ mio fottuto dio _ , i can't wait!" 

sakusa raised an eyebrow, "mio fu— im sorry, what?" 

komori laughed. "nevermind! are we there yet?"

"komori, if you're going to talk and confuse japanese with italian, you better just shut up. i don't want to hear it." said sakusa.

"hey, thats rude! i just cursed! and I'll mind my language i swear!" komori said. 

sakusa only shakes his head and parks his car in front of his apartment. 

"we're hear?  _ cazzo, sì! _ " komori screamed.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Screams, laced with excitement, were enveloping the whole gymnasium. as they enter more further inside the familiar squeaks of volleyball shoes can be heard. he kept his hands inside his jacket's pocket as his eyes wandered around, taking all the details of this gymnasium. the seats were full with different genders and age. it doesn't really matter, both teams were loved by everyone. but now, he's wondering where they can sit. the gym is obviously packed. 

"don't worry, I saved us some seats! and guess what? at the very front and close to ejp's bench." as if on cue, his cousin excitedly said as he dragged sakusa towards their seat. 

There, he saw michiru usuri, waving and patting the seat beside him. 

when komori saw him, he immediately ran towards usuri. He followed him and studied the yellow plastic seat. He was reluctant at first, but he did anyway. sakusa took a deep breath when he finally looked at the court in front of him. it's the semi finals. He glanced at the scoreboard. second set, 24-21. It's msby match point. Sakusa never once even had a thought of going or even watching v.league. never once crossed his mind, he felt super uncomfortable by just sitting in this seat who's probably covered by different germs and bacteria.

He let komori and usuri talk beside him. He fished out his phone and decided to keep himself busy with the reports his employees sent him. He took the day off, it will just be one day. it won't hurt. 

sakusa currently owns a successful publishing company. Even though it's only been two years after he graduated college, he struggled his way to build his very own. Now, different infamous authors are now under his company's name. He flinched when he heard the referee whistle, then the familiar buzz came, announcing the end of the game with msby's win. 

"sakusa let's go!" komori jumped at his seat and ran towards ejp, an arm clinging around his. 

Sakusa shrugged his cousin's grip on his arms, not wanting to be dragged further in the crowd. He can't understand how komori has all the energy to jump around after a 12 hours and 30 minutes flight. He should be having jet lag right now and sleeping at sakusa's couch. 

He stands far away from ejp's bench. Sakusa eyed every person passing in front of him and avoided any possible physical contact. He fixed his mask. He's starting to feel very uncomfortable. but he doesn't want to complain at komori since he just got home and he looks very happy surrounded by ejp's members. 

"shut your ass up, 'samu. just accept you lost today." 

sakusa's eyebrows twitched then a frown formed in his face when he heard a familiar voice. that stupid voice. a frown formed in his face and started to look for komori who suddenly vanished from his sight. stupid komori. stupid gym.

"yeah? but your serves sucks."

"hey! that's rude!" 

"now i'm the rude one."

"just accept your defeat, you pig!"

his jaw clenches and turns his back away from that voice. his hands tremble inside his pocket. 

he tried remembering the breathing exercise komori taught him. deep inhales and exhales. inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale. He composes himself as he blends in the crowd, trying to find his cousin. 

komori suddenly shamelessly screamed his name which startled sakusa, his cousin immediately apologized. "kiyoomi! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'll be quick, I swear! i just need to find someone then we'll go home immediately!" 

sakusa nodded and didn't even bother to argue with him. "I'll wait at the car." he said before turning around. 

just as when he did, he suddenly met atsumu's eyes. Sakusa froze at the spot, nervous creeping inside his veins. He felt it run all over his body. He looked away and turned around. determined to avoid atsumu, he walked towards the other exit, different side from where he parked his car. 

" _ fuck _ ." he heard him say. Sakusa gulped and walked faster while trying to avoid bumping into other people. He's pretty sure he looks like an idiot who circumvents people. "om-sakus- _ holy shit _ im sorry."

"watch where you're— omg! miya atsumu!" 

sakusa sighed when he saw him getting swarmed by his fans, quickened his pace. he can't wait to get out of this place.

  
  
  


he saw komori standing beside his car, glancing around. when komori saw sakusa approaching him he pouted and asked him where he went. 

"I got lost." he excused.

"understandable," komori nodded. "Anyway, Washio invited us tonight in a club with the whole ejp! we'll definitely come!"

Sakusa frowned and glared at his cousin who is currently smiling so wide in his passenger's seat. "aren't you tired? mind you, you just had a twelve hours flight." he said.

komori shakes his head. "all i did was sleep. besides, I don't want to go home yet."

"you're insane," said sakusa.

komori only chuckled. They went back to sakusa's apartment. sakusa showers while komori cooks after changing into other clothes. and this time, komori told sakusa how incredible italy was. 

when the sky darkens and the streetlights open, both of them enter sakusa's cx 5. komori drives. 

  
  
  


  
  
  
  


_ "babe, come on. spike my tosses." atsumu sulked. _

_ sakusa's currently reading a book at his designated bed while Atsumu is sitting on the floor, looking up at him. they're in the youth camp. atsumu stormed at sakusa's room, convincing to practice with him.  _

_ He closed the book and placed it in his lap before looking at atsumu. he's pouting. "I told you, I already took my bath. sweating after taking a bath will be the last thing i would do." said sakusa. _

_ atsumu sighed. "atleast watch me practice my serves?"  _

_ "yeah, that would do." _

_ atsumu smiled and jumped to hug sakusa, wrapping both of his arms around his neck. they both fall into the bed, atsumu on top of him, caging sakusa. He felt atsumu nuzzle his face at the crook of his neck. _

_ sakusa wrapped an arm around his waist and sighed.  _

_ "eh. i changed my mind. just read me the book you're reading omi.'' Atsumu said and laid beside Sakusa, his head at his chest, an arm hugging his waist, and a leg on top of his thighs. "we can practice tomorrow." atsumu chuckles.  _

_ sakusa smiled and kissed the top of atsumu's head. "okay. we'll practice serves and spikes tomorrow." he said.  _

_ he heard him giggle. "baby, read me the book."  _

  
  
  


  
  
  


led lights and loud edm music welcomed both of them as they stepped inside the said club. komori led the way towards ejp's seats. 

"komori, i want to go home. i hate this place." he said.

"eh? just stay for a little longer then you can go home, yeah?" said komori, glancing at him.

"who'll drive you home?" sakusa asked. 

his cousin shakes his head, "I'll have washio drive me home." he said. sakusa sighed, he should have stayed home. knowing clubs, people go there either wanting to get fucked or get shitfaced. physical contacts and interactions wasn't sakusa's thing. heck, he hated that. 

Sakusa nodded when different ejp members called him and his cousin's name. He sat between washio and their team's libero. washio and the libero started talking to him, and out of respect he answered them, not wanting the boredom and his fear gets him.

"you own that publishing company? that's so cool!" the libero said.

They talked more about how publishing companies work, not until msby was mentioned and now, they're talking about it. Sakusa shifted uncomfortably in his seat when he felt someone is staring at him. 

"I heard kuroo's here, which means atsumu is too."

"Yeah those two, you'll always expect them to be here."

"they're like those twin popsicles."

the two talked animatedly beside him as he wandered his eyes around the club. come to think of it, he actually hasn't been here before. from the hallway leading to the comfort room to the bar counter, he studied every detail of it. 

"Speaking of, there's atsumu!" the libero said, pointing somewhere in the bar counter. 

"he's looking at us, should we let him sit with us?" washio asked.

"nah, let that idiot rot there." 

sakusa jaw clenches. He felt nervousness spread like wildfire in his chest. his heart beating so loudly. He's pretty sure atsumu is looking at him, that, without a doubt. Atsumu even tried talking to him. He should be avoiding sakusa. he should not trying to talk to him. considering what he did to him. He hurted him. atsumu left him. that's why he shouldn't be talking to sakusa in the first place. 

"washio." said sakusa.

Washio glanced at him, raising an eyebrow.

"gonna go home now, can you drive komori home?" washio nodded. "great." sakusa said before standing up. Both of them bid their farewells at sakusa which he nodded as his response. 

eager to get out of this place, he didn't care if he bumped into different people on his way out. Sakusa just wanted to go home. He doesn't want to see atsumu anymore. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Sakusa shifted in his bed so he would be lying on his back. He watched Atsumu fix the angle of the camera. they're facetiming.  _

_ "omi are you excited tomorrow?" he asked, a smile on his face.  _

_ he nodded. "of course." _

_ Atsumu laughed and almost dropped his phone. "fuck." he shakes his head and the camera moved. "'samu, get out. i'm talking to omi." he looked at the camera and sighed, "omi kun, hold on okay? im gonna fucking square this pig up. just a minute." atsumu said before placing the phone down, showing the white ceiling. _

_ "just talk, the hell i care if both of you sexted." _

_ "idiot!" he heard atsumu screamed. sakusa laughed when he heard osamu groaned. "just get out! your presence is not invited!" _

_ "the fuck i ca— ouch! you—"  _

_ Sakusa heard stomps and the camera moved again showing a pouting atsumu. "omi, 'samu's being an annoying brat again!" _

_ "ew, snitches get stitches." _

_ "shut up!" atsumu hisses. _

_ Sakusa sighs and sits up. "hey, calm down." he said, tone low and hoarse. Atsumu looked at him and sat down at his bed. "we'll see each other tomorrow right?"  _

_ atsumu smiled and nodded. "yes!" _

_ "right. just ignore osamu. use an earphone or something if you don't want osamu to hear us." said sakusa. _

_ "oh? right. yes. earphones. an earphone exists." said atsumu. "baby wait, be right back."  _

_ They talked that day until atsumu fell asleep. sakusa watched his eyes flutter, his even breathing, and the slightly parted lips that night. _

_ The next day, it's the spring tournament. sakusa is in the very corner of the waiting hall, waiting for atsumu. When he saw kita enter the hall, he removed himself from leaning against the wall and anticipated the beam on his boyfriend's face that he loved. Atsumu, that day, ran towards sakusa and jumped in his arms and kissed him discreetly, perhaps not, knowing he's sakusa and his boyfriend is a miya.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


the next day, sakusa wakes up, a pleasant smell of something delicious envelopes his room. he brushes his teeth before going out of his room. 

there stood komori in his kitchen, cooking. 

"goodmorning! i cooked you a breakfast!" 

sakusa sits, slouching, doesnt even bother to greet komori back. 

"you're free today? lets watch the championship!" said komori.

"komori—"

"please! last one! this will be the last one."

sakusa sighs. what could go wrong at the match anyway? but the chances of bumping to atsumu isn't very slim. maybe it'll be just fine. maybe, today will be okay. sakusa will just have to be careful, be mindful at his surroundings. 

"yeah?" komori enters his field vision as he sit opposite to his. 

sakusa nodded. "this will be the last one, komori. works are piling up." he said, jaw clenches in between. 

his cousin nodded and smiled triumphantly. "yes! of course! and I'll go home tomorrow anyway, dont worry." he said. sakusa doesnt really know how to respond to that, and so, instead, he asked what his cousin cooked for breakfast. it was a common breakfast in italy. 

"The match starts at 10." his cousin announced. 

"That early?" said sakusa. komori nodded. Sakusa sighed and studied the bread infront of him, digging a holes as he distracts himself. "is this really necessary? do i really have to come?"

"yes, of course! you need—"

"stop playing games komori. we both know you're just inviting me for an obvious reason. and i hate it." sakusa scoffed.

komori gulped and fidgeted on his seat, worried he might upset sakusa. well, what he's doing really is upsetting. but he just wanted them to make up. or atleast have a closure between them. he doesnt want to see sakusa having constant anxiety attacks because of what happened between them. in the past. "w-what? that's not it, kiyoomi. why would i?"

"you're already doing it, komori. give it up, i dont want to hurt him anymore. what's done is done. stop meddling with our relationship, its ours to deal with. dont stress over it." said sakusa. "this will be last time im cooperating with your stupid game you're playing, komori."

komori sighed, slouching, guilt creeping inside his chest. "im sorry, i just hate seeing you broken kiyoomi."

"and me attending to his matches wont do anything. it will just get worse."

komori nodded, defeated. "i know, i know. it's just— no, im sorry." 

sakusa shakes his head and took a bite from his cousin's homemade croissant. "you just came home from italy, enjoy japan while you're still here." 

"i will. how's the bread? baking that was harder than i thought. dont forget to spread some butter and jam. that's how my neighbors do it." said komori. and with that, the tension in the air vanished in the swirling group of dust in the sunshine peaking from the slightly opened windows. 

  
  
  


"we're early! better than expected. should we go and greet schweiden? i know you miss ushijima. it's been so long since the last time you've met him right?" komori rumbles beside him as his wanders around the gym, like he didn't went here yesterday. "man, that poster looks cool..."

sakusa only nodded. they both went where schweiden is stretching at one side of the court. he spots kageyama talking to romero animatedly, while hoshiumi and ushijima waves at them. their captain, hirugami, nodding his head to sakusa. heiwajima's practicing receives with their coach. sokolov's talking to someone in the phone. 

"sakusa." ushijima greets. "its been so long, how have you been?"

he smiled and tapped the ushijima's shoulders, "good, you?"

"oi oi, sakusa! why didn't you continued playing volleyball? I've been wanting to beat your ass!" hoshiumi says, seeking sakusa's attention. 

sakusa fixed his gaze at him, "we both know you'll lose."

hoshiumi's fave crumpled with annoyance, "what did y—"

"now now, korai. that's now how you welcome a colleague who wanted to see our match." hirugami said as he stood up to approach sakusa and taps his shoulder. "you should come by at our practice, we miss seeing you there. and dont worry, i applied an alcohol."

sakusa laughed, "i will. work is just piling up at the office." 

the captain smiled at him. "means good, yeah? goodluck with that, but for now, watch the match. enjoy and give yourself a break." he said.

sakusa clears his throat and nodded. 

"there they are." hirugami announced, "I believe you all already did your stretching. We'll practice receives then spikes, kageyama." he said. kageyama stood up and nodded. an intense glare and scowl in his face. 

"kiyoomi." his cousin called. "find yourself a seat at the front, I'll go greet msby quick." he whispered before running towards msby's benches. they're starting to do their stretching too, from here he can even hear bokuto's laugh. 

he glanced at ushijima, "goodluck." he said before turning around to find himself and komori a seat. sakusa sat at the middle part of the front seats, almost facing the antenna that's separating the court into half. his eyes found komori laughing with bokuto. a frown formed when he saw the devious smile plastered across atsumu's face. he's talking with someone, the man's back facing sakusa, a big number 10 written on his shirt. so huge and so tall. his hands on his waist as he talk to atsumu. sakusa clicks his tongue and faced his phone again, just like yesterday. he lost track of the time, he just know that when komori sat beside him with a smile on his face, the game started with a whistle.

everyone who likes volleyball called them monsters. both team were showing no mercy every spike. every serves was beautifully received, the ball weren't shaking even though you can see the amount of force given to the ball as they travel like a lightning across the court. fifth set, and yet, tiredness was nowhere seen on their faces. instead, they were smiling. monsters indeed. sakusa thought. 

just like what komori predicted, manifest it even, msby won. meian, msby's captain, smiling so wide as he brought up the trophy in the air. people stood up in their seat to gather in the ground, wanting to greet both teams. while sakusa stay seated in his seat, forbidding himself to blend in the crowd. 

komori, just like everyone, went to greet and congratulate the winners and boo-ed the losers. he crossed his arms in his chest as he watched the crowd infront of him. while he's eyeing the crowd, in his peripheral vision, he spots ushijima walking towards him. 

"as expected from sakusa, not blending in the crowd." he said as he takes the seat beside him, covered in sweat and panting.

"you know how i hated them." said sakusa.

they were enveloped in silence since then. minutes passes before one of them speaks. sakusa. "you did great." he said.

ushijima hummed, "saturday."

sakusa looked at him, confused. "saturday?" 

ushijima nodded, "saturday," he said. "msby, ejp, and schweiden. gathering." 

sakusa looked away and heaved a sigh. "cant bail on this?"

"yeah. tendo wants to see you." said ushijima.

"he's coming back?" sakusa said, slight shock laced in his voice. ushijima nodded once again. "why not tomorrow evening? it's friday." he asked, pertaining to the gathering ushijima's talking about.

"friday is reserved for rest, they said."

sakusa nodded and none of them speaks after that again. minutes passed again before someone breaks the silence, this time, it's ushijima. "how are you?"

"im fine."

"you know what im talking about." ushijima said, fixed his gaze at sakusa. a hint of worry evident in his eyes. "you shouldn't have came here. you know  _ he's _ here."

"komori wanted me to be here," said sakusa.

"still. i dont want you having anxiety attacks because of that  _ bastard— _ "

"it's not  _ his _ fault." sakusa hissed.

"but he left you  _ miserable _ , broken. he gave up on you." ushijima debated, tone getting higher every word he spat, getting a little angry.

"it's because of me. stop kissing my ass like im always at the right. i was the one in the wrong. stop blaming him." sakusa said, his brows furrowing with annoyance. "i didn't come here to get lectured by you, wakatoshi."

"but what you're doing isn't right. you're clearly letting yourself get hurt again by going here. you know it. stop giving excuses."

sakusa clicks his tongue before standing up. "i don't want to have a fight with you, wakatoshi." he said before leaving and walking towards the public bathroom. his face heating and eyes watering with anger and guilt. Ushijima's right. he's letting himself broken. he could have said no. he shouldn't have even snapped at komori earlier. he could have stayed home. he's been giving himself excuses saying he's just attending this stupid match because komori said so. but deep inside, he wanted to see him. talk to him. at least earn a hug from him. sakusa misses him. but that's just about it. he can only wish. because if he asks just a tiny bit of affection from astumu, he really is selfish. someone who only cares for his own feelings. not giving a fuck about others. 

he felt his heart beat in his throat and tried to swallow it, trying to calm himself down. 

_ it's okay, just a couple more steps, you'll reach the bathroom. come on, you got this. _

sakusa slam the bathroom's door wide open. he expected it to be completely empty, no one gives a shit to go to a bathroom knowing msby just won the v.league. it's the last day. someone shouldn't be inside at one of the gymnasium's bathrooms. but why is atsumu here, glaring at his reflection, jaw clenching, and his golden hair messy? atsumu glanced at him through the mirror, his eyes immediately softened and relaxed his jaw when their eyes met. he turned around to face him. 

"omi..." 

sakusa immediately turned around. he doesn't want to talk to him. having an intense conversation with ushijima was already tiring. and having one with atsumu will be last he will ever do today. 

"omi wait!" heavy footsteps echoes and a firm hand wraps around sakusa's wrist, preventing him from walking away again.

sakusa sighs. "what now, miya." 

beads of sweat trickling his forehead, his eyebrows turned upwards, eyes finding sakusa's. "let's talk." 

sakusa looked at him, slightly glaring. "why are you even trying, atsumu? we broke up. i hurted you. what's there to talk about? we weren't even friends to begin with. there's nothing to mend." he said, exhausted. sakusa felt the grip on his wrist loosening but he doesn't budge in his place. he stayed there standing a couple of centimeters away from atsumu. 

"i—" atsumu licked his lips, trying so hard to gather his words. "i wanted to talk to you..."

"didn't you hear what i said? dont you even dare try talking with me again." sakusa snapped before turning around again, but fails when atsumu's grip tightened. 

"why can't we just talk? it's been—"

"because i don't want to talk to you." sakusa hissed.

he saw atsumu gulps, clearly hurt at what sakusa said. and just like that, sakusa regretted what he said. he's doing it again. 

"come on! please, i wanted to say sorry!" said sakusa.

sakusa huffed, a frown in his face. "don't apologize." 

"why can't I? i gave up on us! on you!" 

"you gave up because of me atsumu. quit that shit. its not your fault. now, get your hands off me." said sakusa. he gritted his teeth as he looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes. atsumu's eyes show every emotion he feels deep inside his soul. it was very expressive. it's like an open book. you can read it as soon as you look at them. sakusa used to say how he loves staring at them, watching the golden orbs dance before his eyes. it was beautiful. watching it was pleasing. but today, his eyes tell different stories. all orbs were covered with hurt. he hated it. it's supposed to dance, not staying still. its supposed to be golden, not black overpowering the beautiful ones. 

"you're not, the fuckl. why are you blaming yourself? i made that choice. i decided to give up instead of choosing to stay and talk it out with you!" atsumu said. sakusa flinched at the sudden raise of voice. his heart beating so loud and fast inside his ribcage. his hands tremble inside atsumu's hands. "jesus christ. im sorry, im sorry, im sorry omi—"

"don't call me that." sakusa snapped. a tear threatening to escape his eyes.

atsumu nodded. his other hand reaches to touch the base of sakusa's neck. sakusa would hyperventilate if someone does it, but even his own body obliged and leaned to the touch. not moving an inch, atsumu caresses the skin in his neck. "im sorry, im sorry. you need to breathe with me first omi. breathe for me." atsumu instructed.

sakusa's eyebrows furrowed when he realized he's barely breathing, gasping for air even. his hand fisted on atsumu's jersey and looked down at the floor. 

"fuck, baby. im sorry." he heard atsumu say. sakusa shook his head and tried muttering a no. 

the bathroom's door suddenly swings open, startling sakusa but the hands in his nape comforts him. 

"atsumu." he heard ushijima say in between his gritted teeth. "get your hands off him, you fucktard." he felt ushijima drag his body into his arms and heard him whispering  _ inhale & exhale.  _

"fucking careful ushijima, he's trembling." said atsumu. every word's rough and a scowl in his face.

"because of you." ushijima said sternly. "let me take you home. we'll go home." ushijima told him, and the next thing he knew, he's inside ushijima's car with komori apologizing beside him for leaving him alone while he ran his hand in his arms back and forth. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ both of them standing somewhere at sakusa's kitchen. sakusa gulps when he sees the tiredness in atsumu's face. he's tired. he's tired at sakusa. tired at their relationship. tired from seeking attention from sakusa. tired at fighting. tired at them. tired at the stupid hide and seek. tired at the tag you're it.  _

_ atsumu looked up at him, black circles under his red, eyes sore. his heart went into a rampage inside his ribcage when he saw the expression atsumu's eyes were expressing. he's giving up.  _

_ i did it.  _

_ he finally made atsumu gave up because of him. because of sakusa's stupid decisions. he's better than that. sakusa knew. he could have done better. he could have love atsumu better. but he cant. because of his stupid feelings. because he was too scared. and now its finally happening, one of the scenarios he hated to happen. but then he realized, he brought this up to himself. because of sakusa, this happened.  _

_ sakusa's hands trembled with fear and anxiety. he tried to hide it by clenching and placing it on his back, trying to hide his fears. that's where sakusa is good at. and so, he stood there watching atsumu crumble in front of him. he hated watching it, he's confused why he's just standing there, not even bothering to hold atsumu in his arms. maybe because he's scared. maybe because he doesn't have any energy left to even move an inch. maybe if he didnt clench his fist and hide it behind him, he could have taken a single step forward and pulled atsumu towards him to hold him in his arms. then maybe, atsumu could have calmed down and they would make up. they could have lasted a little longer. sakusa then realized he made another mistake. stupid sakusa. he blamed himself in silence while he watch atsumu tried forming a word in his mouth to say what he wanted to say.  _

_ "omi... w-we should break up..." he said while looking at him. sakusa gulps when he sees a tear escapes atsumu's eye. he rarely see them because it rarely happens. sakusa's breath hitch when atsumu opens his mouth again. "im tired..." he heard atsumu mumbled before tears falls like a stupid waterfalls.  _

_ sakusa's breath was heavy and harder to catch. he held onto the counter top. his other hand trembled behind him. he bit his lip as he nodded.  _

_ "im sorry, i d-don't know how to move and act around you anymore omi... everyday was hard."  _

_ he nodded once again, failing to catch the sorry atsumu said. atsumu was never the one in the wrong. sakusa was. sakusa wiped the tear that escaped his eye before taking a deep breath. "if that's what you want." he said. _

_ it felt like someone stabbed his heart multiple times without mercy when he saw the flash of disappointment in atsumu's eyes. atsumu's hurt. and its because of him.  _

_ atsumu nodded and took a deep breath before turning around to leave. when he heard the door close, that's also when sakusa's world collapses. sakusa sat at floor, hugging his knees as he stared at the space where atsumu stood before he left him. he felt nothing but pain. tears falling at the side of his face but he doesn't care. he lost atsumu. all because of his selfishness.  _

_ that day, he tried convincing himself that it would be okay. atsumu will be better without him. but that day, continued up to this day. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"you know you can just bail on this kiyoomi, im pretty sure tendo would understand." komori said at the door frame as he watched sakusa change into a formal clothes. it's saturday, the beautiful orange and pink clouds are starting to fade as the night approaches. 

"and when will tendo gets to go home, again? after five years or so? you know how busy and packed his schedule is." sakusa said as he slipped in his leather shoes then standing up to face komori. 

"but what if an anxiety attack hits you again? remember what happened last wednesday? you almost collapsed, kiyoomi." komori stated. worry written all over his face as he crosses his arms.

sakusa sighed. "we're arguing again." 

komori straightened his back and unclasped his arms. "im sorry, im just worried."

"and i told you, there's nothing to worry about. im just gonna spend my time there catching up with tendo." said sakusa, reassuring his cousin. he doesn't want to start a fight again. he knew he'll be the one who will end up exhausted. "just that."

"fine." komori said, defeated. "once you're out of my sight, we're going home," he demanded.

sakusa rolled his eyes and walked passed through his cousin. "gladly." 

  
  
  
  


they arrived pretty early, msby complete, few of schweiden and ejp still on their way in this fancy penthouse. a whole wall is just a glass, letting them see the pinpoints glistening in the sky. it was beautiful. he even spots a balcony, perfect for stargazing. 

sakusa wandered his eyes around the room, trying to find a certain red haired guy. 

"my beautiful sakusa kiyoomi!" a voice from behind said. no doubt, its tendou. he turned around and saw the familiar red spikey hair. "my goodness, my sweetheart." tendou smirked. 

"tendou." sakusa smiles. 

tendou arched a brow, "hug?" he asked as he opened his arms. 

sakusa nodded and marched towards tendou to accept his embrace. he smelled like chocolate. 

"my, my. come." tendou said and dragged him at one of the bar counters. the night darkens, him and tendou haven't stopped talking ever since. until tendou's phone rang and excused himself. 

sakusa stared into the space as he sips at his alcohol. it takes him five minutes before he stands up deciding to wander around the penthouse. it was spacious, intimidating even. he walked towards the kitchen, to the comfort room, and through the hallways. he's usually not the type of person to peak but the beautiful and abstract design of the penthouse draws him into wanting to see each room this penthouse could offer. sakusa also once decided to buy himself a condominium at one of osaka's busy streets, but the constant waiting inside of an elevator everyday after work irritates him.

He approached the last room, the rest were just guest rooms and the other was full with gym equipments. He swung the door open shamelessly. luckily, no one's inside. just like the penthouse, the master bedroom's beautiful. one thing sakusa noticed is that the owner loves his furniture wood with a shade of gray and white. he also noted how the penthouse's kitchen countertop was marbled.

sakusa's eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he saw a half empty cabinet just at the right corner of the room. he shrugged it off and closed the door. he's now heading towards the balcony. he's been wanting to sit there and admire the vastness of the sky, but he also wanted to walk around the penthouse. now that he did, balcony's all left for him. he sighs in relief when he finds it empty. 

the balcony was spacious just like the living room. on the left end, a table with cloth and chairs were placed. on the other side was a small bed and coffee table. sakusa decided to sit at the small bed and pressed his back on the wall. 

the silence was welcoming and warm. sakusa looked up and let himself be drawn into the stars above. the clouds moved before his eyes, black because of the absence of sun, and hides the stars from sakusa. when the cloud succeeded, the once glistening sky's now empty, with a moon in display. alone. in the dark.

sakusa's chest tightens as the empty night sky reminded him of atsumu the day they broke up and the look in his eyes two days ago. sakusa's helpless. all he ever did was hurt atsumu. again and again. if he was being honest, he miss atsumu so much. he wanted to hold him again. but he can't do that if he keep being this bad person. sakusa's face frowning in annoyance. annoyed at himself. he's frustrated.

suddenly, someone knocked on the wall twice, announcing its presence. sakusa's shoulder tenses as he looks towards where the knock came from. it's atsumu. again. 

"atsumu." sakusa murmured.

atsumu licked his lips, hesitating. "can i sit with you?" 

sakusa nodded and watched atsumu sit beside him, avoiding sakusa's gaze. he sighed and tears his gaze away from the setter and stares at the emptiness instead. time passes, none of them bothers to speak. one, scared to scare the other. two, scared to hurt the other. they're always walking in their tip toes when they're in each other's presence. 

atsumu huffed, defeatedly. like he just lost at the train of thoughts he's having. sakusa looks at him in confusion. 

"omi..." atsumu started. he sighed, not looking at sakusa, "i miss you." he said, catching sakusa off guard. "so much." 

sakusa closes his eyes and shakes his head before opening them to look at atsumu who's still avoiding his eyes. "you can't..." 

"why?" atsumu asked, desperately. his tone laced with so much hurt. "enlighten me."

"I'll just keep hurting you atsumu." said sakusa.

atsumu looks at him and shakes his head. "it doesn't matter, no." 

sakusa's eyes narrowed. "it does matter. the thing that happened in the past will just keep repeating itself atsumu, you know that."

"it wont. it happened because of me. it's because i gave up on you." atsumu argued.

"you gave up because i gave you a reason to. i wasn't fair. i was selfish. i keep hurting you. i don't want that. i hated it." 

"i gave up because im stupid. i'm an idiot. i decided on my own. i acted up on my own without discussing it with you. with myself. without you. we both didn't know what was happening. we're both confused and broken, but that doesn't mean we should give up. i have my regrets, omi, let me have it. it's my fault. you shouldn't be blaming yourself on this. i'm the selfish one." 

sakusa shakes his head once again, his shoulders dropping. "no, we— you cant. i don't want to hurt you again atsumu. once is enough. i don't want to go through it again."

"I'll take it. i don't care. i just want you back, omi" atsumu pleaded. "i'm always happy when im with you, that's why i don't understand where that fear is coming from. i was just hurt because we chose the wrong decisions. let's try again, one more time." 

sakusa purses his lips shut. 

"hey, omi... please, tell me. let's talk about it. we can talk about it." atsumu's voice was deep and hoarse but somehow comforting. "yeah?" 

"i— if i hurt you again, you're gonna leave me. for good. every day, i felt like even if i do the bare minimum im hurting you in—"

"omi that's not true." atsumu cuts him. sakusa shakes his head and recollects himself. he's amazed at how he's not even shaking at this point, knowing they're digging deeper in their hidden emotions.

"omi." atsumu calls, "do you trust me?" 

sakusa looks at him, surprised at atsumu's question. he stares at the orbs inside atsumu's eyes. they're dancing. 

sakusa nodded.

"then trust me on this, please. let's try one more time omi. i miss you so much. you don't how much— i, god, just misses you so much. every day. please, omi." atsumu pleaded, shoulders shaking, tears falling at the side of his face, nose red. 

sakusa felt the guilt creeping in his chest again after seeing atsumu cry like this again in front of him again. but this time, a surge of hope ran through his veins. he felt the adrenaline at the back of his neck as the thought of being able to hold atsumu in his arms again flashed in his head. he felt bad for making atsumu feel this way. maybe, this time, he'll be better. maybe this time, he'll be able to love atsumu better. 

he sighs and grabs atsumu's thigh to let him sit on his lap. atsumu breaks into sob as he reaches for sakusa's neck and wraps his legs around sakusa's waist, his sobs muffled as he nuzzles his face in sakusa's neck just like what he always does. his favorite spot. having his arms and legs around sakusa has always been his favorite. it's like embracing all of sakusa. 

"im sorry, atsumu. I'll be better this time." sakusa whispered in his left ear before leaving a feather like kisses just right under his ear.

atsumu shakes his head and his grip tightens, pulling atsumu closer. "no, you're always enough. i was in the wrong one." he said in between sobs.

sakusa chuckles and massages atsumu's neck. "stubborn."

they both stayed like that for god knows how many hours until atsumu calms down. sakusa sighed in relief, his shoulders easing. it's amazing how their conversation did not trigger sakusa's anxiety attacks. maybe, atsumu was really all he needed all along.

"omi..." said atsumu.

sakusa hummed and caressed atsumu's thighs. 

"im sorry what I've said. back then. at your apartment." he said, his head resting at sakusa's shoulder. 

"i understand," said sakusa, "lets stop apologizing."

"okay, alright." atsumu nodded. "we'll take things slow this time, yeah?" 

"yeah."

atsumu smiled and sniffed the scent of his hair, tickling his nose as he did it. "smell so good." he mumbled. 

  
  
  


the next day, it was sakusa's turn to cook breakfast. today's the day komori's going home to his parents, will spend a week there before going back to italy.

komori appeared with a bed head and a smudged drool in his face. yawning, he makes his way towards the sink to brush his teeth.

"goodmorning!" his cousin greeted him. sakusa only nodded, his focus' on the breakfast he's cooking. "smells good," said komori.

one of sakusa's eyebrow perks up. 

"sit." sakusa said.

"geez, why are you so grumpy in the morning kiyoomi? woke up at the wrong side of the bed?" he said and yawned. "nah, maybe i am. my limbs hurts like hell!"

sakusa placed a plate in front of him then sat in front of him. "not surprising." 

"hey, what does that mean?" komori pouted then stuffed his mouth with food.

sakusa shakes his head. "nothing. by the way," komori looked up at him and raised his eyebrows. "atsumu and i talked. we're trying to figure out things."

komori stopped chewing and blinked at him. he suddenly swallowed the food in his mouth and took a big gulps of water before facing him with a wide smile, his eyes turning into small crescents. 

"kiyoomi! im so happy!" he exclaims.

"i can see," sakusa nodded. "why are you so happy?" 

"because i am! besides, you're always happy when you're with him." said komori.

sakusa stares at his cousin. he smiled at him, to which komori returned a bigger one. 

"i don't know how to tell wakatoshi, he's gonna get mad at me." sakusa said.

his cousin shakes his head as he digs in at their breakfast. "nah, he won't."

"how are you so sure?" 

komori glares at him before taking a spoonful of fried rice with egg and bacon. sakusa waits for him to swallow his food. 

"just because." his cousin said then smiled. "don't worry, he's not mad. he's just concerned. he will understand." komori assured him. sakusa nodded and continued eating. 

"is he leaving for paris?" sakusa asked. 

komori nodded then leaned back at his chair. "hmm, maybe for a week. their flight's today, call him tomorrow instead." he said. 

"how about you?" said sakusa. "what time are you leaving?"

"oh yeah, perhaps after lunch? yeah, after lunch." komori nodded. "give me a ride?" 

"sure."

  
  
  


monday. works are piling up at sakusa's desk, demanding his attention. it's almost nine pm. the stretch of darkness outside gives sakusa a chill in his arms. he massaged his temples as he glares at the piles of papers in front of him. 

earlier at lunch, he finally managed to talk to ushijima. and just like what komori said, ushijima understood and assured him. although the call went for an hour because ushijima asked how it went. 

  
  
  


"this won't do." sakusa said to himself and rested his head back at his swivel chair. 

perhaps, leaving work for two days really did hurt. his secretary even helped him and did the work while he's away and yet, it's still so many. 

sakusa looked at his phone just right beside his laptop and saw atsumu's texts.

[7:08] from: atsumu

omi omi!! just finished our practice! where are youuu? <3

[7:09] from: atsumu

can i come over? i miss you! T_T

[7:09] from: atsumu

omiii~

[7:10] from: atsumu

anyways, im going. penthouse is so boring. hehe dont be mad when i get there, yeah?

[7:21] from: atsumu

got your address from komori! i just arrived & you're not here? you're still at work?

[7:21] from: atsumu

YOU'RE STILL AT WORK!!!

[8:39] from: atsumu

so i figured you haven't eaten your dinner so i cooked some and im going there to take you home. its fucking 8 pm omi.

  
  


sakusa sighed and glanced at the clock in front of him. it's nine fifty. he saved all the files in his laptop and carefully put it back on its bag. 

_ maybe i overdid it. _

sakusa looked at the door when he heard the echoes of someone's footsteps. the door opens, revealing atsumu. 

When their eyes met, that's when atsumu approaches him.

"just saw your texts." sakusa said, still seated on his swivel chair. "you cooked?" 

atsumu nodded and said, "yeah, let's go home."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ "atsumu calm down, it's just a movie." sakusa says while rubbing his hands back and forth at atsumu's back.  _

_ they're both watching the notebook just as what his boyfriend requested, and he hasn't stopped crying ever since they started the movie.  _

_ "hush omi, look look! oh my god, he— he didn't leave her although she— oh my." said atsumu then he broke into another several sobs.  _

_ sakusa sighs. after the movie ended, atsumu was still crying. his eyes are puffy and his nose red.  _

_ "babe calm down," sakusa said and opened his arms, "come here." _

_ atsumu nodded and crawled into his boyfriend's arms wrapping his arms around sakusa's neck, his eyelids falling.  _

_ "i cant believe that stupid movie." said atsumu.  _

_ after a couple of minutes, atsumu finally calmed down. his shoulders slumped but arms still tight around sakusa's neck.  _

_ sakusa tried pulling away but atsumu refused, tightening his hug even. "atsumu, im gonna get you water. pull away first." _

_ atsumu shakes his head and sighs, "lets go to bed instead, im sleepy."  _

_ "either ways, you still need to pull away. come on, get up." said sakusa. _

_ "just carry me omi." atsumu whispered, slowly dozing off at his shoulder. _

_ sakusa groans, "you're heavy."  _

_ "hmm, i know."  _

_ sakusa sighed, he felt atsumu's head getting heavier. he hooked his arms under atsumu's knees and pulled him closer as he stood up, his grip tight. atsumu shifted and pulled himself closer to him. he heard him mumble something then dozes off in his shoulder, his arms loosening.  _

_ sakusa carefully laid his boyfriend on his bed. he then took a shower before laying beside his boyfriend. atsumu rolled over to face sakusa, his puffy eyes fluttering open.  _

_ "omi?" he whispered. _

_ "i thought you're asleep," said sakusa. _

_ the setter shakes his before closing his eyes. "waiting for you..." _

_ sakusa smiled and ran his hand through his boyfriend's golden locks. atsumu hummed and moved closer to him, wrapping an arm around sakusa's waist.  _

_ "thank you," atsumu mumbled in his chest.  _

_ sakusa hummed as his fingers traced the lines on atsumu's back. comfortable silence enveloping the two. sakusa closed his eyes, listening to atsumu's even breathing, feeling atsumu's chest rise and fall against his. it's still 2 pm in the afternoon, he should be productive in this hour, perhaps cleaning, but there he is: slowly dozing off to sleep while his legs tangled to atsumu's. day by day, his routine slowly changes. the days he claimed and the time he carefully managed, now different. atsumu somehow managed to take a single step inside his very own and private space and change the way his world spins. but it wasn't trespassing nor overstepping, his time changes into such comfortable way even leaves himself surprised at how much his self proclaimed space turned one hundred eighty degrees. sakusa used to be alone, a scowl in his face to prevent someone from stepping inside the walls he built. but now, he has his arms wrapped around the person he loves in his own private space.  _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just like what i've said, it took me a while to publish the second chapter although this has less words than the other. just wanted to say this chapter is dedicated to my greatest friend since day one, ena. hello, i know you're reading this and i know i already told you so many time but, i love you & thank you for being my friend. i treasure you so much!! <3
> 
> this chapter ends the story with atsumu's point of view, it's just pure fluff i cant hdjkafakfjka again, thank you for reading my story, i appreciate it so much!! <3 enjoy the 2k word chapter two, thank you!!
> 
> before you proceed, i already have another fic in mind. that would probably take multiple chapters. so, i hope to see you again on my another fic!! will drop my twt handle in that fic so i can make friends with you!!

"shoyo kun!" 

it has been two years since sakusa and atsumu gave their broken relationship a chance again. since then, both of them were careful but at the same time, careless. atsumu did his best to get sakusa back in his arms again. he let their relationship's pace on sakusa's control. it was slow, but steady. both of them took so much risk to be able to let this one work, to be able to hold each other without asking for permission. it was hard at first, but definitely worth it. because now, he have his boyfriend waiting at the stadium's front row seat, hands clasped together— cheering for him and his team.

atsumu and a couple of MSBY's members are representing Japan for olympics. here they are, standing— playing in brazil for the championship. the game is in its fourth set with 2-1, Japan leading. 

he crouched and went for an overhand pass when the ball was short and shaky, there's no one beside hinata who can score in their current rally. and so, he tossed the ball as fast as he could towards the crow and he sent it flying over the other half of the court making a loud slamming sound, ending their never ending rally.

panting, he glanced at the scoreboard. deuce, they're one point ahead. just one more point and they will take home the trophy. with the current rotation, it's his turn to serve. Brazil has been receiving pretty well Japan's strong serves. there's no doubt that whatever atsumu picks, they will be able to receive it steadily. six. six steps. 

atsumu relaxed as he sees his teammates not shooting him a glance, they are way more focused at what's in front of them. not giving a shit if atsumu messes up his serve or gives their opponent a strong one. 

  
  
  
  
  


"kita-san." atsumu called. 

kita turned around and atsumu flinched when his blank, cold, almost emotionless eyes bore into his. licking his lips, stuttering words left his mouth.

the white haired man now faced his whole body towards the golden's, now curious as to what atsumu had just said. clearly, stuttering isn't one of the golden's characteristics.

"come again?" kita asked. 

atsumu gulped, "i said, can i talk to you?"

"you are already talking to me." kita said, "what is it?"

"oh yeah..." atsumu muttered. he clears his throat before standing up straight. 

_if i dont do it right now, kiyoomi will get mad._

"about it kita-san, i—" atsumu stammers. he tilted his head as if it'll help him gather the lost words wandering inside his mouth. 

"atsumu, just tell me. you're wasting m—"

"i— i like you!" atsumu blurted out while shutting his eyes shut. 

silence. it's been more than seconds. every seconds felt like torture. as milliseconds ticks, embarrassment creeps in his head. who would've expected atsumu to like kita? no, scratch that. would anyone expect kita to return the liking towards atsumu? kita was blessed. everyone found him intimidating, cold, and reserved. he was kind but quiet. the words that left his mouth are sometimes considered holy. he had no enemies. everyone folds in his presence. no one dared to say explicit and angry words at him. so, who wouldn't like such man? 

finally, kita broke the silence. "since when?"

"what?" startled, atsumu asks almost shouting. he clears his throat and from a slouched form, he stands up straight once again. atsumu can feel the rapid beating of his heart inside his chest. "i—i'm sorry,"

kita sighed. atsumu looked at him and saw the apologetic look in his face. his breath fastened and felt the waves of surging pain inside his chest, eating all his energy— leaving him restless. atsumu looks down as realization hits him. "oh..." of course. _of course._

he felt a hand in his shoulders. "im sorry atsumu, but i don't feel the same way. i don't know what you liked about me but i'm flattered that you view me as someone you could like. i'm sorry and thank you." kita sighed and removed his hand, the touch lingering like flame. "but i hope the rejection won't affect our daily practice and plays atsumu, you are very important to our team. i am sorry."

atsumu shakes his head as he looks up, tears found nowhere in his eyes. he saw kita's face relaxed when their gazes locked. 

"it's alright, kita san. it's not like i expected something. just wanted to get it off my chest, just that. so we're good." atsumu smiled.

kita then nods his head, "I'm relieved. then," he said then turned around. 

arriving at his home, he stormed in and walked straight to his very own space and released all the emotions he wasn't able to show in public. tears continuously falling at the side of his face. with shaky hands, he grabbed his phone and called the only person he could talk to.

_sakusa kiyoomi._

in its fourth ring, sakusa's tired face appeared at the flatness of the phone screen.

"omi..." atsumu said in between his cries. 

sakusa frowned when he saw the state atsumu's in. "miya, why are you..." 

"i told him," atsumu sobbed. "i told him i liked him and— and its, it's not like i expected kita san to return my feelings but—" 

"shh." atsumu heard sakusa say, so he stopped explaining. his sobs were the only noise that can be heard. "i get it. your beloved kita rejected you. serves you right."

atsumu's face distorted, still tears falling plummets and glared at the man in front of him. "hey! I just got rejected! you should be comforting me, not making fun of me!" he said in a high pitched voice but sakusa wasn't even slightly affected.

"i'm a man who doesn't know any comforting words, that's why I am wondering why you decided to call _me_ instead." said sakusa.

surprisingly, atsumu isn't sobbing anymore but his tears are still evident. "i dont know..."

"whatever. where are you? are you home?" sakusa asked. as if atsumu was doubting even himself as he looked around to make sure he's in his room. upon confirmation, he nodded at the screen and pouted. sakusa raised a brow before nodding too. "great. now, grab your laptop and sit at your bed." 

atsumu sniffled and put the phone down at his bed before grabbing the laptop at the other corner of his messy room. he slowly sat down before lifting his phone up, saw sakusa looking at him intently. "i got it." said atsumu then showed the folded laptop. 

the raven nodded, pulling his mask down he said, "good. now watch a movie or something to calm yourself down." 

atsumu's eyebrows furrowed, "how about you?" 

"I'll be cleaning my room while you watch. now, watch." sakusa said.

the golden nodded and sighed. he put his phone down and angled it where atsumu can be seen clearly. atsumu looked at the screen and saw sakusa's clean white ceiling. in the middle of watching a marvel movie, atsumu heard sakusa calls his name.

"miya." 

atsumu blinks— close to falling asleep— and grabbed his phone, "omi."

"you should sleep." said sakusa. 

atsumu glanced at the clock at his bedside table, 19:23. "are you done?"

sakusa nodded, he sat at one of his chairs inside his room before looking back at atsumu. "sleep. you're tired from crying." 

he shakes his head before rolling to face the other side of the bed and closes his laptop with his left foot. "no, we havent talk all day—"

"shut up and sleep." sakusa cuts him.

atsumu frowns, "the fuck? i dont want to. let's just t—" he stopped when sakusa ended the call. "what the hell?" he groaned. atsumu tried calling him again but failed when sakusa rejected the call.

from: sakusa

sleep. if you're not asleep as soon as osamu checks you, we'll not talk for a whole solid week. and don't even bother replying. 

he let out a laugh and threw his phone across the room causing a loud noise. atsumu sighed and went inside his thick blankets before falling asleep. 

  
  
  
  
  


"have a nice serve, tsumu san!" he heard hinata say despite the roaring cheers of the audience inside the stadium. 

atsumu dribbled the ball before raising his right hand, palm open, just right above his head just to quickly close it causing a complete silence enveloping the stadium. he remembered how sakusa teased him at how boring and corny the move was. just like what osamu constantly told him back when they were still highschool. a smirk formed in his face when that memory flashed at the forefront of his head. clenching his jaw, he glared at the other side of the court— brazil.

  
  
  
  
  


atsumu always receives different questions— which he gladly answers— but this certain question has always been asked to him whenever he goes.

"do you ever feel sad? or even feel _down_?"

whenever someone asks him that, he snaps at them. showering the person different kind of insults possibly written at his vocabulary. that question was just plain stupid. why bother ask an obvious question. it's like asking a stone why they are hard. or asking a mere human why they are breathing. and, who's an insane person who doesn't feel sadness in their entire life? 

he does feel sadness, it comes occasionally since atsumu barely thinks about it. or more specifically, avoid thinking about it. because if he does, he just simply dies down. atsumu will instantly quiet down, slumps, and feel his loneliness swallow him whole: empty. 

perhaps, osamu telling him he is quitting volleyball for his own happiness. _for his own happiness._ without atsumu, _without him,_ shatters his whole world a little (a whole lot); averts his world from rotating from its axis. 

it was the most painful words he ever heard from his twin. doesn't that mean he will be alone starting from the day after they graduate? no one can cover up for his mistakes, no one will be able to correct his mistakes— no brother beside him? 

atsumu never, ever, imagined his brother leaving his side, leaving him alone in the vastness of the world. that's why, osamu telling him those words left atsumu spatting harsh and mean words resulting in them not talking for two weeks. it has been the longest time they haven't talked to each other. it was painful and awful. atsumu didn't mean it, it was his feelings talking. osamu should've known that. he was hurt. osamu was leaving him alone. of course it would turn him into a raging mess. 

everyday, atsumu calls sakusa to vent his feelings out. everyday was different. he's either crying or shouting in anger and hatred, but sakusa lets him. sakusa listened, telling him sakusa understood him and his feelings, and that those were valid. they were both different people. both are different in taking feelings. both are different at dealing with things. but at times like this, just like that day, they connected. atsumu crying, sakusa hushing him and saying the words atsumu wanted to hear. atsumu shouting, sakusa listens and tells him his opinions. atsumu's world was falling apart, but with sakusa, he was slowly healing. talking with him was calming. it will always be his favorite he'll pick over anything.

  
  
  
  
  


the tight grip on the ball loosened when he heard the referee's whistle. atsumu toss the ball into the air, careful steps following before spiking the ball soft causing it to waver in the air. the men on the other side of the court were startled, their libero chasing after the ball landing right in front of him but failed. the ball landed right at the surface without the other team touching it. the whistle of the referee filled the whole stadium. silence. audience still taking what just happened. 

screams then broke the silence then comes the team and their coach rushing to pull atsumu in an embrace. they won. they won the championship. the olympics. atsumu gasps inside their group hug, doubting the reality laid in front of him.

"tsumu san, we won! nice serve!" hinata beamed at him and pulled him into a tight hug. 

"woah woah, is this for fucking real?" atsumu said in disbelief while wrapping an arm around hinata, caressing his shoulders. 

hinata pulls away. he is sweating and a wide grin is plastered across his face. happiness always looks good with hinata. it's like his brand, without it, he finds him not— _him_. and so, with the contagious smile hinata was giving him, his lips pulled into a wide grin and ruffled his hair.

"it is real, we win! you should stop doubting yourself every time, tsumu san." said hinata, slightly pouting. the golden only chuckled. 

"you should go to sakusa, you know." bokuto said as he wraps an arm around hinata's shoulders, lips stretching into a wide smile. "he's waiting." he added.

atsumu turned around and saw sakusa sitting in the front row, arms crossed, masks covering half of his face, watching him. atsumu smiles at him and started walking towards him. sakusa then stood up, pulling his mask down, revealing his proud smile. his crossed arms loosened and opens, inviting him into his closed space. 

atsumu's heart swells and clenches as he watches sakusa in front of him. blended in a crowd, his lips stretching into a smile revealing his perfectly white teeth, and arms wide open; waiting for him. it was such a rare and expensive sight to see. he was so lucky to have sakusa opening his arms open for him while being surrounded by unfamiliar people he's uncomfortable with. 

sakusa always told him how thankful he is for having atsumu by his side. thankful for having to keep up with sakusa's unbearable traits. but in all honesty, atsumu's way way _way_ more grateful for having him by his side. beyond even. atsumu always thanked different gods above for letting him have sakusa in this lifetime, also praying to have him in another life. sometimes he even felt debted of gratitude. 

atsumu always believed he doesn't deserve having sakusa in his life. he was there when his first love rejected him, he was there when him and his twin went into a massive fight, he was there when no one else was. sakusa gave him the words he needed to hear, gave him the comfort other people weren't able to provide, gave him the love he didn't knew he needed, and giving him the kisses full of intimacy and affection that fills his heart whole.

atsumu always had admired sakusa for having so, so much patience toward him— towards his very ugly attitude. that's why he constantly blamed himself for pushing sakusa into his limits, into something he's uncomfortable at, resulting in them falling and breaking apart. sakusa was not yet ready but atsumu wanted to go further. 

blamed himself for years for the time they weren't together. he went through the memory he last had with sakusa. analyzing it through and through, always ending with him at his fault. atsumu contemplated the reason on why he gave up. it was such an immature decision. impulsive. he was so mad and wanted sakusa's warmth around him. but maybe sakusa already encircled him with it, atsumu just wanted more that he overlooked through it. he wanted the attention all the time, but sakusa wasn't capable of that yet. not that time. they were too young.

that's why when he saw sakusa in their match he decided to try again, eager to try it one more time. but this time, at his pace. seeing sakusa waiting for him never fails to have his whole chest wrapped with warmth. he appreciated every second of it. taking every detail his eyes could take. 

everyday, atsumu thanked the gods above and doubted his worth. but everytime, sakusa reminds him he's way more beyond than the word worth itself whenever he pulls him into a tight embrace and welcomes his lips with soft kisses that carry all the answers and words to atsumu's worries. it was wonderful. it was such an overwhelming feeling to feel, endearing to hear sakusa whispers i love you's and proud words, curls tickling his face, and lips lightly pressed against his temple. atsumu could never ask for more. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! i finally finished this fic (my second omggg) after a month of making this t_t im so sorry if this seems rushed or something? but im very excited to published this! it took me a looooot of time and stress before finishing this fic, but i feel satisfied with the outcome. so uhm,,, i hoped you all liked it??? i love you all! please wait another month for the chapter two hehehehe.


End file.
